How to Deny Anthropogenic Global Warming

Christian Wright

By now, the majority of you are familiar with the blasphemous theory known as “anthropogenic global warming” (AGW) which is fancy talk for claiming that man* is responsible for changes in Earth’s climate. If you are a proper Christian, you are appalled at the very idea. Good news: there are a number of reasons why it couldn’t possibly be true.

For starters, Genesis 1:26 plainly states that God gave man dominion over all Earth. It doesn’t get much clearer than that. The evidence against AGW is right there in the Bible! It is man’s divine right to do with the planet as we wish, and God obviously would not allow us to destroy it. What sort of loving Father would condone such a thing?

To allow such blatant propaganda to stand unchallenged is a disservice to Christianity and to mankind itself, and you must do your best to refute it on every front. However, you should be aware that biblical evidence doesn’t carry much weight among the AGW alarmists, so it pays to bone up on the issue and be familiar with some of the key weaknesses in their argument. Here, then, are some helpful tips that will help you win a debate.

  1. Don’t deny the idea that the planet is warming. It is warming, of course. The research is clear on that. But it will cool down again, in a cycle that has repeated many times since God created Earth six thousand years ago, back when men and dinosaurs coexisted. But to think that “carbon loading” is responsible for these cycles is the height of arrogance. Is man more powerful than God? Of course not! God is in charge of the planet, and you can bet he has a good reason for the current temperature increase. Perhaps it’s punishment for sin, much like Hurricane Katrina.
  2. Blame it on the liberals and their leader, Al Gore. On the one hand, you have “scientists” proposing this silly theory, and on the other hand, you have the left-leaning media shamelessly spreading the misinformation. Top it off with a spokesman like Al Gore and you have a real cabal of deception. As we all know, none of these sources is reliable. For true objectivity, you have to turn to someone like Ann Coulter, who quite properly calls AGW a bunch of “nutty superstitions,” or the Reverend Jerry Falwell (God rest his soul), who wisely blamed the AGW myth on Satan.
  3. Ask why it snowed in Las Vegas. This question will likely cause the alarmist you’re debating to roll his eyes and say, “There’s a big difference between weather and climate.” As if anyone could buy that feeble excuse or even understand the distinction. Just think about it. Actual snow. In Las Vegas. The showgirls needed parkas! This aberration could be a sign from God that AGW is a sham, and the alarmists will ignore this message at their own peril. (Or perhaps God merely wanted the showgirls to put some clothes on, an equally admirable objective.)
  4. Bring up the global-cooling scare of the 1970s. It wasn’t long ago that the scientists warned us of an imminent ice age. “We’re going to freeze to death!” they shouted. Mention that little tidbit, and your friend the alarmist will begin to rationalize. “There was no consensus back then!” he’ll say. “But there is now!” He might even try to show you some “evidence” that AGW is much more of a threat, but just call him Chicken Little in the most dismissive tone of voice possible. That should do the trick.
  5. Call AGW a religion. Why? They hate it, that’s why! It’s a good way to sidetrack the debate, taking the focus off AGW, and that’s always a smart move.
  6. Question the research. Say that the models are unproven or that they don’t have clouds. Point out that global temperatures have dropped since 199 Claim that Hansen has been wrong before. State that the hockey stick is broken! (By the way, you don’t have to know who Hansen is or understand the meaning behind “hockey stick” for these tactics to work effectively.) Then mutter something about “collusion among money-grubbing scientists” and don’t bother listening to anything else your opponent has to say. Administer the coup de grâce by reminding him that Antarctic sea ice is increasing. At this point, he might call you something like “willfully ignorant,” but you should be willing to endure these insults in the name of your Lord.
  7. Don’t forget the sun! Where does heat come from? Duh. Solar radiation! If there are fluctuations in the temperature on Earth, it all has to start with the sun, right? Point this out, and use sarcasm. Say something like, “Hello? See that big ball of fire in the sky? Think maybe that has something to do with climate change?” Your foe will have a snappy retort but not one that will hold up. He will say that there are various reasons why we can’t accurately measure sunshine here on Earth, that we have to take measurements from satellites instead, and readings from satellites show that the amount of solar irradiance hasn’t changed in a very long time. Therefore, there must be some other cause for global warming. This is when you say that we’re not concerned with sunshine in space; we’re concerned with sunshine here on Earth, where we live. Why would we care about sunshine in space? What are we, a bunch of astronauts?
  8. List the benefits of warmer weather. Again, God controls our climate, and if he has decided to raise the temperature temporarily by a few degrees, what’s the problem? Doesn’t everybody like warm weather? Ask your opponent if he would rather live on Maui or at the North Pole. At this point, he might just sigh and walk away, and you can take pride in having given a much-needed comeuppance. Be sure to recount the victory with your friends, who will congratulate you on a job well done.

Christian Wright

Christian Wright is the alter ego of an author and essayist living near Austin, Texas. He believes that you should do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, as long as it doesn’t involve show tunes or white wine spritzers.

By now, the majority of you are familiar with the blasphemous theory known as “anthropogenic global warming” (AGW) which is fancy talk for claiming that man* is responsible for changes in Earth’s climate. If you are a proper Christian, you are appalled at the very idea. Good news: there are a number of reasons why …

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