There are times when proper Christians simply can’t avoid interacting with homosexuals. For instance, if you decide to redecorate your home or hire a consultant for your daughter’s wedding, chances are good that you will be dealing with a gay man. If you are pulled over by a female police officer, don’t be surprised if she exhibits all the physical and behavioral traits of a lesbian. Many of these people will appear courteous, kind, intelligent, reasonable, compassionate, fair-minded, and even normal. But don’t be fooled!
Homosexuals have an agenda, and make no mistake: it goes against God’s law and everything that traditional Christians stand for. What exactly do these people want? Well, they say they are seeking equal rights—which sounds fair enough—but in reality they are attempting to undermine the very values on which this country was founded. Specifically, in recent years, homosexuals have been asking for the right to marry. Seriously.
If you’re like me, perhaps you don’t even know how to respond to such an outrageous request. Worse yet, if you listen to one of these homosexual activists for too long, he or she might even make some arguments that begin to sound sensible. That’s when you know Satan himself is whispering in your ear. You must snap out of it! Take the time to remember some of these logical reasons why Adam should be allowed to marry Eve but not Steve.
1. Homosexuality is condemned by God.
In any matter of ethics or morals, the first source you should consult is, of course, the Holy Bible (the King James Version, naturally). What does the Bible say about the matter? Leviticus 20:13 calls homosexuality an abomination, and the death penalty is prescribed for anyone who commits such an act. Which brings up a good point: Isn’t it enough that we no longer conduct stonings? If the gays ask for more than that, aren’t they simply being pushy? We no longer stone palm readers and adulterers, and you don’t hear them complaining about anything.
2. Millions of Republicans can’t be wrong.
The 2008 Republican platform called for a constitutional amendment that protects marriage as a union between a man and a woman, and for good reason. The simple fact is, traditional marriage fosters traditional values. It always has, and it always will. Most of the time. Okay, yes, there have been minor embarrassments for the GOP on occasion, such as Sarah Palin’s unwed pregnant teenage daughter, Larry Craig and the restroom incident, Mark Foley’s fondness for congressional pages, the sexual harassment charges against Bob Packwood, Strom Thurmond’s impregnation of a fifteen-year-old maid, Newt Gingrich’s infidelities and poorly timed breakup with his cancer-stricken first wife, Philip Giordano’s sexual assault of two young girls and subsequent prison sentence, Bob Barr’s infidelity and abortion escapades, Rudy Giuliani’s indiscretions, and, unfortunately, dozens of others. But just imagine where the Republicans would be without family values!
3. Marriage is traditionally a heterosexual institution.
Some clever gay rights activists will twist this around on you. They’ll say that slavery was also a tradition, as was polygamy. You might have to waffle a little and say that slavery must have served God’s purpose at one time, and it isn’t our place to question His ways. However, if the idea of polygamy holds a certain libidinous appeal, you might want to keep that to yourself.
4. We have a sacred duty to populate the earth.
Genesis 9:7 exhorts us to be fruitful and multiply. Unless human biology has changed drastically since I last checked, homosexual activity does not deliver on these terms. Some people might claim that homosexuality benefits us all by helping to limit overpopulation. But we shouldn’t worry about the number of inhabitants on God’s earth. He will provide. In fact, I have complete faith that, any day now, God will swoop in and tackle famine, pestilence, pollution, and global warming. Just you wait and see.
5. What’s next? Men marrying monkeys?
If we open the door to gay marriage, where will it lead? Incestual marriage? Group marriage? Bestial marriage? Let me remind you that a chimpanzee looks rather silly in a tuxedo—and you’re unlikely to get your deposit back.
6. Do “real” homosexuals even exist?
Liberals, evolutionists, and atheists typically claim that sexual orientation is biological—something natural—but that is simply untrue. God is all-powerful, and He wouldn’t create a gay man, so homosexuality is obviously a lifestyle that is chosen or learned. For instance, the combination of a domineering mother and a passive father might be enough to turn a child gay. Think about it. Doesn’t it make sense that a boy might learn to be gay because Mom is always yelling at Dad to mow the lawn? The lesson to take from this? Mothers, don’t henpeck your husbands about yard work! (While we’re on the topic, dear ladies, perhaps you should refresh your memory on Ephesians, chapter five: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Not only is it a divine mandate, it’s the perfect recipe for a harmonious household.)
7. Homosexuals already have the same rights as everyone else.
Let’s examine the marriage rights we heterosexuals currently enjoy. As most state laws now stand, a heterosexual man has the right to marry a person of the opposite sex. Likewise, a heterosexual woman can marry a person of the opposite sex. And guess what? Any homosexual has the right to marry a person of the opposite sex. You see? They have the same rights as we do! So why are we even talking about this?