I had barely stepped into the shower when my “reverse” epiphany occurred. Although I had a degree in theology from a Jesuit university and had spent a year in seminary, one flash of insight revealed what nearly four decades of faith had obscured. The simple truth was this: the God I had always believed in does not exist.
With my delusion fully exposed, I had to face a new reality. All of my prayers had been directed to an imaginary friend, not a living God. Discerning God’s will for my life had been difficult, not because God remains hidden from the best of us but because he simply isn’t there. Terrfiying as that revelation was, I I felt relieved to end the charade of prayer and ritual that had increasingly become impossible to justify. With the fog lifted, I enjoyed a moment in the sun, setting a new course far from the familiar shore of faith.