In re: Job v. God

Burt Siemens

Dateline: Baghdad

Archaeologists have uncovered an ancient scroll purporting to be a legal brief drafted on behalf of the biblical Job. The discovery has created a stir in biblical and legal circles.

Scholars surmise Job feared his cursing God would serve to make Satan’s case in the wager over Job’s faithfulness. So instead he sued God.

The scroll was uncovered during the excavation of an undisclosed site somewhere in Mesopotamia. Apparently, it was prepared in connection with Job’s suit for breach of covenant in the Court of Justice and Mercy in the jurisdiction of Ubiquity. It is published in translation here for the first time.

From the state of the pleadings it appears that Job had filed a Complaint against Yahweh asking for damages and injunctive relief. Apparently, Yahweh had filed in response a Motion to Dismiss for lack of legal standing and, perhaps, for failure to state a case. The newly discovered scroll is Job’s Brief in response to that motion.

THE COURT OF JUSTICE AND MERCY

Plaintiff:

JOB, a Hebrew male,

residing in Uz, in the land of Edom

Action: Response to

Motion to Dismiss and

Amended Complaint

                                                                                     

Defendant:

YAHWEH, aka, I AM THAT I AM, and/or GOD

residing in state of Ubiquity in the realm of Transcendence

I

JURISDICTION

Plaintiff (hereinafter, Job) submits that this Court has jurisdiction in the matter inasmuch as the Defendant (hereinafter, Yahweh or sometimes God) is a Cosmological Being; and inasmuch as the Complaint as amended herein sounds in both Law and Equity.

Yahweh contends a contingent being may not question the actions of a divine being notwithstanding such actions damaged the physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of said contingent being. This contention is without merit and is not grounded in sound legal or moral principle. Further, Yahweh’s alleged restoration of goods to Job does not render the Complaint moot.

II

FACTS

The relevant facts have been set forth in detail and with great authority in the Seventeenth Book of the Hebrew Bible and are well known and widely commented on. Job asks the Court to waive tiresome, repetitive, and laborious recital herein and incorporate by reference the aforesaid Book as its Findings of Fact.

III

ISSUE

Does a contingent being have standing in this Court to seek damages in Law and/or an injunction in Equity against a divine being, i.e., God?

It is the contention of Job that he does have such standing and is entitled to damages for the excessive pain, suffering, and mental distress caused by Yahweh’s gratuitous assault on Job’s body, mind, and well-being; said transgression being perpetrated so Yahweh may prove the point of a frivolous and unseemly barroom wager made by Him with Satan, a known vagrant who goes to and fro on the earth and walks up and down upon it; furthermore, he is widely known to be a seducer of women and who moreover is a rascal, rogue, scoundrel, and scamp.

IV

ARGUMENT IN SUPPORT OF LEGAL REMEDY

A. Covenant

Job asks the Court to take Judicial Notice that Yahweh has entered into a Covenant with the Hebrew people, said Covenant being sealed with the genital blood of male infants and ratified by a rainbow, and which Covenant in substance provides that in return for their worship of Him as their exclusive god (in other words, they will have no other gods before Him), and for their obeying His laws and commandments to the least jot and tittle, He will smite the enemies of the Hebrew people and sustain and protect their well-being, each and every one; further, He will consider them His Chosen People for such time as any breach of said Covenant may be actionable by either Party.

It is the Complainant’s contention that Yahweh, by entering into said Covenant and making promises therein enforceable at law, has thereby agreed to put Himself on an equal juridical footing with Job; he therefore contends that God as an equal party to the Covenant is forever estopped from making any declaration to the contrary and cannot now be heard to assert His ontological supremacy with regard to the Covenant’s terms or its execution.

It is Job’s further contention that he has in good faith performed the terms of the Covenant to the least jot and tittle, a fact that Yahweh must concede inasmuch as it forms the premise of His wager with Satan as set out in the aforementioned Seventeenth Book of the Hebrew Bible, including in particular his subsequent declaration that the wager was won; further, such concession constitutes an admission of all facts recited in this brief not previously incorporated by reference.

B. Damages

It is Job’s further contention that Yahweh, by confiscating and/or destroying all of Job’s worldly goods, and by giving Satan sanction to inflict upon Job loathsome boils and scabs that he abjectly scraped with potsherds while sitting alone and forlorn on a heap of ashes, and by making him repulsive to his wife and thereby denying to him the pleasures of the marital bed, that by so doing all of the aforesaid He has failed to sustain and protect him as promised and therefore is in breach of the letter as well as the spirit of His Covenant with the Hebrew tribe; he is, ipso facto, also in breach with Job as a member of the class of people composing that tribe.

Yahweh has alleged, without proof, that He, prior to this action, restored to Job by a two-fold measure the economic, social, and marital status he enjoyed before any alleged transgression and by such restoration has discharged whatever legal obligations He may have owed to Job notwithstanding His denial of any liability whatsoever.

In rejoinder, Job contends that Yahweh’s act of restoration, accepted as fact by stipulation, is merely further admission of liability and a confession to the total and reckless disregard of the human suffering Yahweh knew, and wantonly willed, would ensue, which willful negligence justifies an award of punitive damages to Job in excess of the value of all actual damages suffered and in such an amount as the discretion of the Court may so determine.

Accordingly, Job has suffered such injury at the hands of God that mere compensation in the form of restoration of aforesaid worldly goods, including favorable social standing and welcoming marital bed, falls woefully short of making Job whole for his pain and suffering and mental distress at the hand of Yahweh.

Nevertheless, and notwithstanding the evident justice of Job’s case, he is prepared to waive any and all such remedies and, in the interests of spiritual transparency, take his satisfaction solely by the remedy as set forth in Section V of this Brief; namely and to wit: direct, frank, and relevant answers to the questions reasonably posed by Job to God.

Furthermore, Job, having received and been satisfied with said answers, stands ready, willing, and able to execute any and all legal waivers and agreements as would hold God, His heirs, and assigns harmless from any liability for derogation of right or rights that may now or in the future arise or come to light from the incidents herein complained of from the time of the execution of such remedy to the end of the world.

V

EQUITABLE RELIEF

Job further declares that notwithstanding any waivers, the legal remedy averred in the preceding section of this brief is inadequate. Accordingly, he is entitled to equitable relief in the form of an Injunction issued from this Court prohibiting God’s further intercourse with the Devil that may foreseeably result in injury to human beings and the further remedy as set out immediately below.

Furthermore, Job prays this Court to direct Defendant to provide frank and relevant answers to The Fundamental Question, namely and to wit: Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? The memory of man goeth not to the time when this question did not plague the spiritual security and mental tranquility of all people of inquiring mind and deep conscience.

Job has respectfully posed the aforesaid question directly to God, but He in answer has proven Himself to be totally unresponsive and overbearing, appearing as He does out of a whirlwind and giving His answers in the form of rhetorical questions that foreclose any reasonable discussion.

Having exhausted all available remedies, Job stands now before this Court to ask for the relief herein requested.

VI

PRAYER

Job asks only that he be given his day in court so he may be heard, and that God be made to answer absent all the trappings of a whirlwind in a public forum so all may hear.

VII

CONCLUSION

Anytime God of his own free will and volition, and in full knowledge and awareness of the possible disruptive consequences thereof, descends into the Realm of Contingency and thus interposes himself in the affairs of humans like a bull in a china shop, any injury caused by such interposition renders God amenable to the Jurisdiction of this Court and subjects Him to any and all remedies deemed appropriate by it, including but not limited to those measured by the standards of ordinary human justice and decency.

This Court is the only forum open to Job wherein he may assert his God-given right to justice, fair play, and redress. To deny standing to Job under the circumstances of this case would not only be inequitable but also unconscionable. Furthermore, it would mark with severe blemish the good name and reputation of this august Court.

For the reasons hereinbefore set forth in this Brief, Job respectfully requests this Court quash the Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss and grant the relief as originally set forth in the Complaint and as supplemented by Section IV of this Brief and any other the Court in its wisdom deems fair and appropriate.

Respectfully submitted,
Job
(by his Counsel)

Burt Siemens

Burt Siemens is a retired lawyer and teacher who was raised in Oklahoma, educated in the East, and now lives in Amherst, New York.