Category: Cuno’s Corner
Muffin Logic
The English muffin residing in my cupboard is no ordinary baked good. It accurately predicts the outcomes of major sporting events. I know, because I have jotted down its predictions and compared them against final scores for years. It has never missed. Its remarkable ability came to my attention one summer morning in 2004. I …
Ignorance, Shmignorance
Author’s note: As I write, some of us turn to humor as a coping mechanism amid the horror that is the coronavirus pandemic. If by press time this piece lands poorly, I apologize in advance. If the coronavirus has claimed someone dear to you, you might want to skip this piece and read something better, …
How We Vote
People with nothing important to think about may wonder what qualifies me to write for Free Inquiry. I am, after all, no expert on humanism. I’m no expert in theology, either. (But then, neither are theologians, unless expertise in the dealings of a nonexistent being is a thing.) And I can neither confirm nor deny …
Oh My, Father!
If you’re looking to improve your parenting skills, I have great news. You can ignore the tower of parenting books your in-laws dropped off within minutes of the plus-sign’s appearance on the stick. Bastion of humanity and rationality Focus on the Family (FOF) points out that the bible on parenting is none other than the …
2+2=9
The African leopard is not part of the cat family. I beg the indulgence of the taxonomically anal-retentive. I am well aware that Panthera pardus pardus falls under Felidae, and that felidae has meant cat ever since Julius Caesar asked Cicero to think up a shorter way to say “those pointy-eared creatures the Egyptians are …
Godawful Communication and Divine Boners
God, if you’re reading this, a word of advice: Hire an editor. By now even you must be aware that most of the time your followers haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. I wish I had a full collection plate for every time I have heard the likes of “… and then I realized …
On the Proper Use of the M-Word
I live in the Salt Lake City metropolitan area. As some of you may be aware, more than a few Mormons live here, too. Thanks to this unique religious demographic— Oops. My bad. I meant to say that more than a few members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints live here. These …
A Not-Perfect Defense
Gadzooks. A shocking revelation just took down another politician. Nearby and on the same day, another cleric was busted, too. I shall withhold their names, not for legal reasons or discretion’s sake but because I’m writing weeks before they will have been caught and therefore don’t know who they will turn out to be. Still, …
The Lazy God’s Guide to Miracles
Today’s gods are lazy. And it’s our fault. Back in the day, gods established their bona fides by staging spectacular miracles. Lotuses sprouted from the baby Buddha’s footsteps. Zeus hurled thunderbolts, reversed Earth’s rotation, and turned infants into adults. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob parted the Red Sea, split the moon, and, millennia …
Rules for Playing the Race Card
Not long ago, a champion of humanity set me straight. Someone in our monochromatic, melanin-deficient lunch gathering had mentioned race, and before I could think better of it I had naively blurted something about racism not being a good thing. The above-referenced champion politely pointed out my error. The real problem, he explained, is that …
Jesus vs. Santa: The Evidence Speaks
I bristled when I overheard a friend place the evidence for Jesus and Santa on a par. I felt it was patently unfair to Santa. Don’t get me wrong. I am no fan of Christmas. For all I care, the likes of Santa, Jesus, decorations, and Paul McCartney’s “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” can …
Persecution Envy
There are places where belief in the wrong or in no deity is a capital offense, a fact that makes decent people recoil in horror and, when they can, take action.1 But in places like the United States of America, where killing someone for not accepting the right religion remains illegal,2 it would seem that …
Drawing Lines for Fun and Prophet: How Religion Makes Us Behave Better
I am told religion makes people behave better. I do not dispute it. When religion draws a line and slaps a thou shalt not sticker on it, believers mind the old Ps and Qs. This came dramatically to my attention over lunch with Brad, whom I hadn’t seen in years and whose name isn’t really Brad, as …